Social Advice
Communication
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Communication is passing information from one person to another.
The information can be anything from saying you are bored, signalling to a friend you are bored or writing some really complex presentation that needs 2/3 hours of explaining for the point to get across.
Verbal Communication
Without language we would find our way of communicating very difficult and would end up communicating like animals (lots of signs that stand for words.)
Try telling a friend that you lost a £5 note at the weekend and you are worried that you won’t be able to pay your bus fare during the week – without using words it’s very difficult!
With Communication we are looking to CONTROL social interaction and not feel shy or embarrassed about being part of the discussion or the situation. We often find that people react differently to different ways in which we use words either on their own or as sentences.
Don’t forget how you are hearing it said to you, is one thing, (gives you an impression) but then how you relay the answer or response will pass over the nature or intent in which they think you mean it! Language is not the only method that we use to communicate though. We also communicate through Non-Verbal Communication. This is often when you can tell what mood a friend is in by how he/she looks i.e. angry, fed up, sad etc.
"Non-Verbal Communication (NVC)
There are no words in NVC and much of it is received by us subconsciously as we interact with other people.
The different signals are known as cues, of which there are 8
- Paralanguage
- Eye contact
- Facial expressions
- Posture
- Gestures
- Touch
- Proxemics
- Dress
(Paralanguage, eye contact, facial expressions, posture and gestures are examples below)
Paralanguage
Is the way we vary how we say things, using tone of voice or timing of questions. Paralanguage can be just as important as the words that are being spoken because without a different tone or speed it becomes difficult to understand. Ever had a text message or e-mail that either doesn’t make sense or you have taken a different way to how it was meant? This is because we interpret these ourselves in the absence of any paralanguage from the author.
Other aspects of paralanguage show that when we are in a highly emotional state, like when we are angry or anxious, we tend to produce a far higher rate of slips of the tongue, stuttering or repetition of what we are saying. Likewise when we are not so sure we tend to make far more ‘err’ and ‘um’ noises than usual.
The person listening to us (their subconscious) will pick up on these cues probably without them knowing and form their impression of our emotional state themselves
The verbal message must match the non-verbal message at all times. An example of the above could be a changing room at half time in the middle of a tense game where a few mistakes have been made but the game is not lost. It will depend on the team talk what happens in the second half/ For instance, a coach/manager that is shouting very loud, swearing and pointing at people will not inspire the player or team. You switch off don’t you and can’t remember what he said when you go out can you?
In this instance, assertiveness and firmness will win over hostility because of the people on the receiving end.
Timing also contributes to relaying our communications across to people. Someone who speaks very slowly, may be thought of as very uncertain of what they are saying, whilst speaking fast may indicate that the person is anxious or excited.
A good example is to listen to someone who is good at talking on the telephone. They will tend to exaggerate non verbal signs to compensate for the lack of visual cues. People who don’t find it easy talking on the telephone tend to speak in their normal manner which makes it much harder for the other person to communicate effectively.
Eye Contact
Eye-contact is probably the single most powerful non-verbal cue that we have. Many of our subconscious judgements about other people are based on the amount and type of eye-contact that we have with them.
Eye contact is a very powerful indicator of emotion - lovers will ‘look into each others eyes’ and often we will avoid eye-contact with someone we don’t like – and if we do make it we adopt an unemotional stare, rather than a friendly or attentive gaze.
To start a conversation with somebody we will usually do it by ‘catching their eye’.
In a sports development environment it is often used by the coach or manager to check that his/her players are listening and have understood what they have been saying. You can imagine what goes through their heads if there is no response or eye-contact can’t you?
Facial Expression
For most of the time it is usually your family or those closest to you that can tell by your facial expressions exactly what is wrong with you. Mum knows best!
There are areas that we need to watch out for though. A lowering of the eyes says shyness or coyness for instance and a vacant expression says daydreaming. Either way your facial expression is very important because it serves to tell the person that is talking to you that you are paying attention. Again, what do you want the coach/manager to be thinking about you? That you are not listening or you where paying attention?
Also, if someone continually shows the ‘wrong’ facial expressions, or doesn’t change their expressions at all, we tend to think of them as not ‘normal’ and so often people are treated as ‘odd’ and so don’t form interactive relationships with others in the broader sense.
Posture
The way we stand or sit can be a very good indicator of how we are feeling – and it can also be used as a deliberate method of communication. Somebody sat down with their elbows on their knees and their hands supporting their chin can give what impression?
Slumped shoulders and slouching when being spoken to by the gaffa for instance will get what type of reaction?
Gestures
Another method of communicating that can give off good and bad signals to the right or wrong people!
Simple gestures such as nodding obviously indicate yes or understood so use them. They are also signals of attentiveness that people in authority like to see.
Summary
Being aware of our ‘social skills’ and how we go about communicating with not only speech but with all of the topics listed above will be all that is required to break the cycle if somebody has the wrong impression of you. It can have a lot to do with perceptions of how coaches and managers think of players? That is now more the case than it has ever been – whether that is right or wrong we can’t do anything about. But we can effect the impression we give about who we are and what we want if we know how to do it.
It’s not rocket science but can almost guarantee the result that we want.